i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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