how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
