it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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