i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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