matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
