Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
