I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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