My first STD was from a foam party
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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