It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bring money and cleavage
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Drunk is a universal language darling
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
