Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
