HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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