I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
