i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
