The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
