Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just cropdusted the office
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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