Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
