Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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