he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
