Just fell off a train. Bad.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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