you didnt know i had herpes?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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