Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Terrible idea I love it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
