There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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