dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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