I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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