And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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