i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
