Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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