So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like iHOP with fire
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
