Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
