Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
