Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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