sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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