Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
