Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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