JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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