dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
