my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize