What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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