it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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