U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
