So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize