your thong is hanging out like whoa
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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