she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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