dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
