Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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