i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
