All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
