So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize