either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
