I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
