Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
