I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
