someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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