ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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