Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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