Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
