Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
