It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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