i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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