And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
