Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
