his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
