We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
