I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
